Scheming
by goodgollymolly
Summary: Burt and Carole come home early and find that Kurt did not have a girls' night, but he did have a guest over! Parental scheming ensues.


**A/N: Hello everyone! So I bring you some good news-I will be able to start writing more again starting in about a week because I will be DONE WITH MY SENIOR RECITAL! WOOT! I will be back, and I honestly can't wait to have time again. I don't know what I'll do with myself! Sorry I've stayed away for a little bit-it's been a busy semester, full of little sleep and lots of work. Today I offer you scheming Hudmel parentals! I hope you like it-as always, reviews warm my heart and make me want to hug you all (why don't you all live close to me?), and they make my day!**

**As always, I'm on tumblr at goodgollyimmolly(.)tumblr(.)com! I sometimes post drabbles there, and feel free to prompt me-I'm always looking for ideas, and I write anything that comes my way!**

* * *

In Burt Hummel's opinion, kids should come with a manual, because there is nothing in life that prepares you for finding the little boy that you taught to ride a bike naked and wrapped around his equally nude boyfriend when you get back from Washington early. Especially when you had expected said son to be having a group of his closest girl friends over.

Burt surveyed the scene, trying not to focus on the tangle of limbs on Kurt's bed.

"Burt, are the girls-oh my," Carole whispered as she stepped into the room, quickly surveying the scene before grabbing the throw from Kurt's chair and draping it over the boys. Blaine snuggled back into Kurt's embrace, giving a happy groan as Kurt tightened his hold.

"Burt," Carole said gently, taking in his expression. "We need to give him his privacy."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Burt said absently as he backed out of the room, rubbing his head. "I don't think Kurt had a girls' night."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Carole giggled, then turned serious. "What are we going to do? He did break the rules by having a significant other overnight without asking permission."

"I have no idea. I know I did see more of Blaine Anderson than I ever wanted to just now, I'm still trying to recover," Burt said as he sat down on the bed in his and Carole's room.

"Well, we could go wake them now and have a good chat, otherwise I have other plans that you may like more," Carole said with grin.

"Oh really?" Burt said. "What are these plans, Mrs. Hummel?"

"Oh, you'll like them," she replied with a wink.

* * *

Kurt awoke to the smell of bacon and pancakes, which alarmed him, as the only other person that was supposed to be in his house was currently cuddling with him.

"Blaine," Kurt groaned sleepily, trying to get his arm out from underneath Blaine's dead weight, "Blaine, please give me my arm back."

"Mmm, no. Sleepy."

"Blaine," Kurt whined, more alert.

"Fine," Blaine groaned, rolling over and off of Kurt's arm.

"Oh my god," Kurt said, sitting bolt upright.

"Whussamatter?" Blaine asked, blinking sleepily as he sat up. "Do you smell pancakes?"

"Blaine, look at this," Kurt said, shoving a piece of paper into Blaine's face.

"Hey! Just a sec," Blaine said, trying to get his eyes to focus. "Oh my god. I'm dead."

_Hey Buddy!_

_Glad to see you had a fun sleepover with the girls. I do have a question, correct me if I'm wrong, but you are gay, so Blaine being a girl must put a little bit of a damper on your relationship. Feel free to come down to breakfast, we have things to talk about._

_Love you!_

_Dad_

"Do you think I could sneak out the window?" Blaine asked.

"Only if you take me with you," Kurt groaned, pulling on his pajama pants. "My dad saw us naked. Completely naked. This is the worst day of my life."

"He saw me naked too!"

"Oh god, he did…is it too late to join a convent?"

"Monastery," Blaine said as he threw on his clothing.

"What?" Kurt said, running to his vanity to quickly fix his hair.

"Monastery," Blaine repeated, to which Kurt gave a puzzled look. "Nuns live in convents, and priests are in monasteries. And yes, it is too late because you're not celibate. Far from it, in fact."

"Well, that's mostly your fault."

"As I recall, you were a willing participant," Blaine retorted, crossing to the window.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked as Blaine opened the window.

"Escaping."

"Oh no, you don't," Kurt said, grabbing Blaine's hand and yanking him toward the door to his bedroom. "If I have to suffer through this, you do too."

* * *

"Hello boys," Carole said as Kurt and Blaine walked into the kitchen. "Have a seat, I made pancakes."

Kurt and Blaine sat at the table, gazing towards where Burt sat reading the newspaper.

"Good morning, dad," Kurt said tentatively.

"Hey guys, good morning! Did you sleep well?" Burt asked, folding the newspaper and casting it aside.

"Um, yeah, I guess," Kurt said, eyeing his dad cautiously.

"That's good," Burt said cheerfully. "How about you Blaine? Did you sleep well?"

"Great, I slept great," Blaine said, gazing at the tabletop. "It was great. I need to go home, Mr. Hummel-"

"You can call me Burt, kid-now who wants pancakes? I even had Carole use that whole wheat flour you like so much, K-"

"Stop," Kurt shouted, standing up. "Stop this-I know I lied, and you're angry, but this is just creepy-"

"What's creepy about this? I'm just trying to have a nice conversation with my son and his boyfriend on a Saturday morning."

"You know exactly what you're doing!" Kurt shrilled. "I'm sorry that I had Blaine over instead of Mercedes and Rachel, and I'm sorry that you had to see Blaine and me…um…well, we weren't wearing clothes."

"I did see far too much of you this morning, Blaine," Burt said, winking at Blaine, making him squirm.

"Dad," Kurt warned, winding down, but still cautious. "We're sorry. Can we drop the act? Can you just give us the awkward, yet heartwarming, chat that you want to so that we can put this behind us?"

"Okay, so here goes," Burt said, taking a deep breath. "Always be safe, either of you do anything stupid and hurt the other, I find new and inventive ways to torture you, you're good, smart, and kind kids, so you can make your own decisions. Oh, and Kurt?"

"Yeah?" Kurt breathed out as he stood up.

"Next time at least have the decency to throw something on your bottom halves."

"That it?" Kurt squeaked, blushing bright red.

"Yep, you guys can go if you don't want pancakes."

"Thanks Mr. Humm-I mean Burt, and I would never hurt Kurt. We're always safe, and-"

"Just go, Blaine," Burt laughed as Kurt dragged Blaine out of the kitchen.

"Well that was fun," Carole said as she set a plate of pancakes in front of Burt.

"You have great ideas sometimes."

"Just sometimes?"

"Okay, you're the brains of the operation," Burt laughed.

* * *

"I'm alive, oh my-"

"He really likes you," Kurt said, giving Blaine a soft kiss. "I don't know if you remember, you were pretty drugged up, but he was the one who told you that I was a finalist for NYADA."

"I sort of remember a bald blob saying something, then giving me a hug…must have been that."

"A bald blob? Really, Blaine?" Kurt laughed as they both collapsed onto Kurt's (now made) bed.

"Hey, I only had one eye," Blaine said, wrapping an arm around Kurt as they adjusted to cuddle while they watched _When Harry Met Sally_.

"I guess you can be excused," Kurt said snuggling into Blaine's side.

Blaine kissed the top of Kurt's head, pulling him closer. "Love you."

"Love you too, you goofball," Kurt yawned.


End file.
